But there have been many positives as well. This Mother's Day I was celebrated as a mommy of three-complete joy. "My husband rose up and called me blessed"-complete humility. Sean completed school just last night-sense of relief! A & T learned how to ride bikes-total excitement! Abby's a little light in this darkness that we go through at times-blessing.
But now we find ourselves at month number five with our girls. While A has truly made huge steps forward in learning how to handle certain emotions, we've watched T regress more and more since the day bio mom stepped into the picture. She is finally starting to show emotions, as difficult as those tantrums are, she is finally showing emotions. Abby has made the transition, we believe, fully into having two older sisters. Her first two months were complete chaos, but how she is finally sleeping "regularly," playing, eating, getting bigger, bringing joy and laughter and a lot of sassiness. But I can see how much A & T love her and how much Abby loves them. I've loved watching Abby develop these relationships with her sisters and vice versa. They may "only" be foster sisters (and I say that term sarcastically), but they are family now and forever.
June 4th is a big day in this household. It's court. As far as we know bio mom has done absolutely nothing except show up to court once, show up to mediation once, and show up to a grand total of four visits in the past five months (that's four hours in the past five months that she has seen her beautiful kids.) My frustrations are high, but I KNOW without a doubt that our God has this all in His hands. Proverbs 19:21 "Many are the plans in a person's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails." That is what we must rest in, and that is what we rely on.
Court, we are praying, will begin to make some hard decisions against bio mom, pressuring her to get her act together or else. The foster system, as much as it is intended to be a system to protect the children, is seemingly set up in favor of giving bio parents every last chance to win over their children. It makes me furious. But as Sean and I were talking last night, he came to a tough revelation that shouldn't we, as Christians, desire for others to have chance after chance after chance and an abundance of time to find Christ (at least while they spend their time here on earth)? Maybe I'm using this verse out of context because it seems to be discussing one who has already been a Christian and wandering off rather than one who is not, but Matthew 18:13-15 says "And if he finds it (the one sheep that wandered from the 99), truly I tell you, he is happier about that one sheep than about the ninety-nine that did not wander off. In the same way your Father in heaven is not willing that any of these little ones should perish."
We want God's will to be accomplished, but we so desperately want God's will to be us keeping these girls. We're asking for you all to be praying for us and with us as this time approaches. They are going to be requesting additional "Relative Resources" to be made, which sends out more letters to all the relatives seeing if any of them want to take the girls. We're terrified about that, but we know our God loves these girls and cares for them more than we do and will continue to protect them. But that does not mean our prayers are to be weak-willed.
2 Corinthians 1:3-11 "Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ. If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer. And our hope for you is firm, because we knowthat just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort. We do not want you to be uninformed, brothers and sisters, about the troubles we experienced in the province of Asia. We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired of life itself. Indeed, we felt we had received the sense of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead. He has delivered us from such a deadly peril, and He will deliver us again. On Him we have set our hope that He will continue to deliver us, as you help us by your prayers. Then many will give thanks on our behalf for the gracious favor granted us in answer to the prayers of many."
Please join with us in fighting for our girls on the spiritual realm. God is their Defender, but I know He wants us to ask Him to do what He can do and so much more. God has not called us to sit idly by as His children, He has called us to fight this battle as His children.
Thank you friends.